Gradual Epiphany

Drained

The last portion of this year has been draining on many fronts. It’s not a complaint — just a statement. I was grading two classes, taking another and working full time. It was too much. I worked through everything, but at different times had to neglect things that I would have preferred to focus on.

I am slowly recovering. Now in this slow, happy time of Christmas and New Year’s I find myself without my normal drive. I feel empty and light; it’s disturbing after the harried pace of the past 4 months. There are so many side projects that I want to work on, but simply can’t find the energy or desire to focus on them.

Over the years I’ve come to realize that the creative expenditure of creating software comes at a price. I have a fixed capacity for creating software — if I expend that capacity it requires time to refuel. In the interim, I can still create but at a much diminished pace, and typically with a much lower quality than what I am accustomed to. The best thing to do, typically, is NOT create. Wait, pause and be patient. Permit focus to drift until it’s ready to snap back to laser precision for the next Push.

This post probably sounds like nonsense — perhaps it is.