Gradual Epiphany

Cleaning Up...

I just went through and trashed a bunch of blog post drafts. This process of clean up is a trend threading through my life of late — virtual and otherwise.

I’ve purged most of the TV shows my Tivo records. When I weigh the enrichment that TV shows bring to my life, versus time spent writing, loving my wife, seeking God, exercising (brain and body), I find TV is just a soul-sucking, numb-out drug. It’s something I do because it’s easy to do, not because it is a noble task. If the past few months have taught me anything, with pgm’s passing in particular, it’s the lesson of cheap living. How many hours and days have I gone from bed to work to TV to bed, without being fully present in the interstitial moments?

Realizing one’s mortality is a natural side-effect of losing one you love, or so I’ve heard. For me, this process has brought me to the place where I am comfortable that my time will one day come — I’ll go Home, and life thereafter will be so much better (no more out-of-sync cultural databases will be great). In the meantime, I want to make the most of these days I have. I want to live with a wide-eyed enthusiasm for every moment and glory in my mortality.

Of course, writing those bold words, I have at the back of my mind that I’ll die tomorrow in a fiery crash or some such madness. It’s a stupid fear, but there it is. The reality is that my bold words will require bold effort to change my view on life and it won’t happen overnight. But I’ll take my bold words and do my best. :)