Gradual Epiphany

Saturday

It’s been a slow Saturday. We picked up a new light for the office (non-halogen) and outfitted it with one of those new-fangled fluoresecent light bulbs. This bulbs last a lot longer and compared to the old 300W halogen bulb, it’s also dramatically cooler in the office. Cool lights are critical when you have two computers in a relatively small space. :)

I’ve been in something of a contemplative mood lately. Several different events have conspired to make me think about the direction my life has taken since I moved to the States from Thailand. It’s hard to believe that I’ve lived in the US for almost 10 years. It seems that most of my friends from Thailand have gotten married and are either missionaries in training or planning to do so in the next few years. Of course, I don’t really know where all of them are, so my sample size may present a skewed data set. At any rate, I guess it seems like these people I knew have a definite course and direction set for their life — and I admit to being a little envious of that. As a child, there seems to be a expectation that upon Growing Up, your Purpose and Value will suddenly become clear. The older I get, the more hollow that expectation becomes. Clarity sets in, revealing that life may be something less than a great crusade for some noble, or at least distinct, goal.

“Aimless” is emotional description I’m trying to get at. I’m looking for something to do, some (small) value to bring to the world. I want to create, to build, to think, to discover. I guess you could say that I want to be a “hero” — not like an action figure, but more along the lines of the classical definition. Someone who has a difficult task and who overcomes it, not for accolades or wealth, but because they must.